Heart of Refuge

Unveiling The Hidden Beauty Of Your Heart

Tag: in-laws

Your In-Laws Need Boundaries


I was ministering somewhere a few days ago and the issue of interfering inlaws came up. It is really really important that we know and understand that they cannot dictate the relationships their children have with their spouses.

Those of you that are thinking of getting married please begin to discuss it and put boundaries in place, especially if you feel your partner is a mama’s boy or daddy’s girl, because if you do not your inlaws may start to interfere (if they are not doing so already) and poison your relationship.

The control is ungodly. Sir, stand up and protect your wife to be/ girlfriend from your mothers’ onslaught. You can see what your mother is doing is not right but you will not defend the woman you call special. Young lady if he cannot defend you in front of his mother, will he defend you at all and is this the start of things to come when you both get married?

The bible clearly states in Gensis 2:24 “Therefore shall a man leave his father and mother and shall cleave unto his wife, and they shall be one flesh.” 

Why is it significant that the man clearly leaves, even though the woman must leave also? The man is the foundation of his family. He is the main cornerstone that his wife and children will come to and if the man is too caught up with his mother then his family malfunctions and the foundation is shaken. You are not only to leave physically, but also emotionally and spiritually and you must start to cleave. Pray about this and ask God for wisdom on how to create parental boundaries. It may be difficult but it can be done.

Gentleman when you ask a woman to marry you do you actually know what you are asking? Do you know and understand your God given responsibilities? Your God given responsibilities towards your wife does not involve your mother. Yes the bible says that we are to honour our mother and father, that is very important but it does not say honour them at the expense of your wife. Remember God takes the position of a wife  very seriously. He compares marriage with Christ loving his church, the bride. Christ loved the church and gave himself for it. Jesus did not allow Mary his mother, to interfere with his relationship with his bride and what he was assigned to do for his bride.

Ladies in your rush to be married please make a careful note of the relationship your husband to be has with his mother. If there are clear boundaries in place then it’s good, but if not and she feels it is ok to dictate to her son and place ungodly influence over his choices then watch out. If you are having red flags or the Holy Sprit is nudging you about something then step back, pray for direction and ask questions.

If you remain silent then you will not have a happy home and instead of having a 3 fold cord ( you, your husband and the Holy Spirit) that is not easily broken, you will have a 4 fold cord that will break any minute now.

The damage done by interfering inlaws is not spoken about much in church but I want to encourage you to be prayerful and watchful in this area. Let the Holy Spirit be your teacher and do not enter a marriage with someone because you are desperate to be married.  Marriage is not the wedding day, marriage is the beginning of the rest of your life. Cleaving is a life long journey which must be protected.

I heard of a woman, who happens to be in church leadership, who tried to hinder the marriage of her son to a beautiful christian young woman, because she was worried about who was going to look after her and keep her company. When I heard that story I felt sorry for her other adult unmarried children. It is so selfish and manipulative on her part.

Naomi in the book of Ruth was a beautiful mother in law who respected her daughters in law, so much so that they did not want to leave her. There are mothers in law that have a beautiful spirit and if they see anything go wrong in the lives of their children’s marriage, they will take the time out to pray. They honour the spouse their children has selected. I honour such inlaws. If you have inlaws like this treasure them, love them and appreciate them.

What I have stated works both ways. There are some women who cling to their parents and will not allow their husband to lead. Leave and cleave to your husband, do not be a stumbling block.

Dear heart, what does God say about marriage? If your inlaws are disrespecting what God says about your own marriage, then you need to take steps to do something about it. I appreciate that some cultures place a high value on in-laws and their input in their children’s marriage. Their input has proven to be detrimental in many cases. Your spouse is not a tool for your in-laws to abuse as they please. Please stand up for your spouse because the two of you have become one. You do not become one with your parents.

Please share your feelings about this in the comments section.

Heavy Love

Have you ever experienced a love that is so strong that it makes your heart feel full? A heavy Love.

Over the past couple of days I have been listening to Mali Music. One of his songs is called Heavy Love (check it out on you tube). I love it.

It speaks of a love between a husband and wife that is all compassing and endures under much pressure. It’s a love that lasts 10, 20, 30, 40 years. Thats a lot of love.

My parents have been married for 52 years and it have been subject to all kinds of pressures as any marriage would be for that length of time. This kind of love has to be elasticated, tested and reaffirmed. This type of love has been put through the fire of life and is worth its weight in Gold.

We always admire marriages that have so much longevity but do we really appreciate the sacrifice that each person has had to go through in order to have such longevity. Marriage goes through the fiery furnace of financial struggles, In law issues, raising a family, personal growth and a host of other challenges. Let’s not take marital longevity for granted, it’s a heavy love. It’s taking responsibility to sustain something that both parties have entered into.

If you are a married Person reading this, never take your spouse for granted. Show them that you appreciate them, learn their love language. If you are a spouse that does not show much affection then you must do something about it quickly and find ways to show that you love and care, if not you can end up starving you spouse emotionally. Appreciate their acts of kindness towards you.

A heavy love will also include telling your Inlaws no and drawing needed boundaries. Toxic in-laws can crush the heart of your spouse and cause untold damage to them and defile your Union. I will be writing a post about in-laws shortly because parents must release their children to enjoy the person they have chosen to spend the rest of their lives with. When they interfere they crush the family unit of their children for selfish gain. Please release your adult son or daughter and allow them to blossom in their new relationship.

If you are courting someone with a view to marriage please begin to establish healthy boundaries with both sets of parents.

Heavy Love is a wonderful place to be but remember it comes with responsibilities.

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